Relationship experts say going to bed angry can be healthier than forcing late-night fights, urging couples to pause and revisit disagreements at calmer times.
The age-old advice that couples should never go to bed angry may actually do more harm than good, relationship experts say.
“It’s completely wrong,” said Samantha Whiten, a Maryland-based clinical psychologist. “All it does is make sure that people are fighting when they’re tired.”
Experts note that late-night arguments often occur when people are emotionally drained, stressed, or even under the influence of alcohol, which can fuel impulsive behavior.
Instead, couples are encouraged to pause disagreements, acknowledge the need for discussion, and set a time to revisit the issue when calmer. “It speaks to a skill, to trust that your partner is really going to return to this thing that’s really important to you,” said New York psychologist Sabrina Romanoff.
Therapists emphasize that space should not be mistaken for avoidance, but rather as a strategy to preserve emotional safety. Regular check-ins and healthier communication habits can prevent conflicts from escalating.